Tuesday, December 30, 2008

What do I do now.....

A Mothers fight...A Grandmothers hope...
A new year approaches and I think to myself, what do I do now? I do this every year, New Years Resolutions. What do I do, what do I change? I move on...

I've tried for months to pass a test I can't seem to pass. I've finally come to the realization that it's not meant to be. I'm moving on...

What do I really want to do with my life? What! I'm asking myself this question now? I'm going to be 50 in May for crying out loud! Sometimes it takes time to figure out what we really want to do, or figure out what our purpose in life is. I always knew I wanted to get married, have kids and eventually have grandkids. Yes, I thought that far ahead. I've accomplished that. February of '09, Mike and I will be married 27 years. We have 3 beautiful kids. Is it ok to call your boys beautiful? I think so. Tyler and Jacob are fun, energetic, happy, giving and loveing. To me that makes them beautiful. I have a beautiful daughter whom I wish lived closer to me, but we don't always get what we want. I have a wonderful son-in-law whom we all adore and I have 2 beautiful grandsons.

So getting back to what it is I want to do now. Well, I still have two boys to raise and a husband I like to keep happy. But sometimes thats not enough. I've always been the kind of person that likes to stay busy. After 17 years of volunteering at the schools, it's time to move on. I still have my Jazzercise, Relay For Life, scrapbooking and taking my mom on her monthly errands. I can't help think though theres something missing.

Some of you may not know that Christian was diagnosed with Autism. When Lindsey first told me, my first reaction was, "No he doesn't"! Not this beautiful, happy, smart grandson of mine. I definetly was in denial. At an early age, I started to notice that Christian wasn't talking. I had brought it up to Lindsey and she became defensive. As a first time mother at the time, she wasn't sure when he should say his first words, even though she was an avid reader of "What to expect when your expecting". But as everybody knows, kids develope differently at different age levels. Lindsey soon became concerned though as Christian got older and still wasn't saying much. We used to say, "he will say something when he has something to say"! Lindsey's concern grew as Christian grew. She took him to doctors and specialist. At first we thought he might have hearing problems which is often a misconception with Autistic kids. By now, I so wanted to be with Lindsey, to hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok. Brian was in Iraq, we were here, Brians parents in California. She felt alone. Daily phone calls kept us close. She has since met other moms at the preschool with kids who have Autism. Laura has become one of her best friends. Thank you Laura for being Lindsey's support when she needed it. You are a wonderful friend to her.
So, Lindsey's mission was to help Christian. Not an easy task when your doing it all by yourself. She has since of course became a mother again, with our beautiful Kingston. Christian is now on a gluten-free, casein-free diet. His speech has progressed tremendously. He said to me the other day on the phone, "Hi grandma"! Are you kidding me! I almost cried! Words I've waited a long time to hear.
I didn't know anything about Autism, and wanted to know more. Lindsey said. "Mom, you have to read Jenny McCarthys book, "Mother Warriors". Well, guess what Santa brought me? I read the book in 5 hours. This is just the beginning to better understanding Christians struggles he faces every day, even though he is on the lower spectrum. Yes, I cried, I cried a lot...
Thank you Jenny McCarthy for writing this book and giving me a better understanding of Autism. I'm looking forward to reading, "Louder than words".
Thank you Lindsey and Brian for loving each other, loving my grandsons and always trying new things with Christian. You are both wonderful parents and I look forward to seeing you all grow as a family.
"The most powerful tool of a mother who has a child with Autism is the power of believing her child will get better". ~Jenny McCarthy~
Never...Give...Up
I think I know what I want to do now. I think everything happens for a reason. I need to get more involved with "Autism speaks" and other organizations that are desperatly trying to make this a better place for Autistic kids. I may not be able to do much, but I'm willing to try.
Thank you Christian for being you. We love you...

7 comments:

Pat said...

Elena,
That was beautifully written, very powerful and moving. The more you learn, the more you'll be able to support Lindsey, Brian, Christian, and Kingston. I think your goal is wonderful.

Jenny said...

This is truly a loving post from a wonderful mother and grandmother...I'm tearing up.

Teri said...

Beautiful.

lindsey said...

It was very beautiful, thank you. I did cry. Christian will get better, it will just take time.

Jeri said...

Elena,
You are so beautifully transparent. As you approach that wonderful year of 50, I think you want to rephrase your question to read, "What do I want to do to continue to grow?" You have found your answer in Christian, and the world will be much better for it. I admire you, Lindsey and Brian. They plus Kingston have to be a great family. I hold each of you in my love and prayers.
Squeaker

Brian said...

I can honestly say I couldn't have gotten a better mother-in-law!! You always have a way with words and how to express yourself. Thank you for reading the book. I will never forget when the fire happened, and you came and consoled me as cried in our burned down closest. Thank You!!

Katy said...

Your kids and grandbaby are lucky to have you! When the twins were diagnosed with Asperger's it was tough but the support and understanding of our family has been wonderful. Mom, Stepdan, Dad and Stepmonster along with everyone else have gone out of their way to educate themselves on what it means and how they can support the boys and us in helping them grow into their full potential.

You have no idea how great (and unfortunately, how unusual) it is to have grandparents of kids on the spectrum do things like read books about autism and support parents in helpful and knowledgeable ways. Something as simple as telling them what a great job they are doing with their kids can make such a difference and you are here shouting from the rooftops what a good job they are doing. That is SO COOL!

Way to go Grandma, you rock!